Drift
by JHandAC
Summary: What if Sam was there during when Cas and Dean went to investigate in 5X03. And, frustrated with Cas's inability to interrogate properly, he sorta lets slip a secret and with a little more poking, they find out a secret... WARNINGS INSIDE, NOT GRAPHIC!
1. Chapter 1

**A thingy to 5X03, Free to be You Free to be me. Errm... Let's just say this is weird, even for me...**

**Warnings: Little flashback o' child abuse and y'know drunkenness and swears ^.^ But it's nothing graphic, pretty much just mentions.**

**Disclaimer: Not mine... *sigh* not even in my dreams... :(**

**Summary: What if Sam was there during when Cas and Dean went to investigate in 5X03. And, frustrated with Cas's inability to interrogate properly, he sorta lets slip a secret and with a little more poking... Cas and Dean discover the reason behind Sam and John's arguments and fighting all the time, and eventually, why Sam left for college. WARNINGS: Inside.**

**Takes place after Cas messes up with the badge and after he told the officer that they were after angels and demons... So, yeah. And can we compromise and say Dean didn't cover up for him/ the officer didn't believe Dean and kicked 'em out or something? Yeah, thanks! This is why it's an AU! Oh, and Sam is here! Just, 'member that 'cause it's kinda needed to read this.**

* * *

Sam was pacing back and forth in the motel room, angrily muttering things, while Dean stood in place. He was glaring at Cas though, who had his head down looking at his feet.

"I apologize. I did not realize that we were not supposed to tell the officer about the demons."

Dean continued his stare, but Sam stopped in his tracks. He turned and looked at Cas, "Yeah, well that's nice and dandy Cas, but now we're at a dead end. God, if _I _did that back when me and Dean were huntin' with Dad, he woulda made me black and blue!"

After that Sam continued pacing and thinking through options to pursue with the case now at a dead end, but now Cas and Dean were staring at him.

Dean with a shocked expression, after all, Sam had _never _said something like that before and it wasn't like he had developed a sense of humor in the past 5 minutes. Cas was staring more like he was trying to figure something out, like a puzzle, but he was probably trying to see whether Sam was telling the truth or not. Or, maybe he was just doing that stare that _looks_ like that. After all, it is _Cas_ we're talking, I mean typing/reading, about...

He turned to Dean when he seemed to resolve a matter in his mind. I s'pose that he really was trying to figure somethin' out... Dean seemed to understand what that meant, but it took him more than a moment to truly _comprehend _what that meant for Sam.

His Dad, his _hero_, had beat his baby brother. Dean gulped and his face paled and he looked over at Sam. Now wonder the boy had run away, or gotten into constant fights with him. Dean had never questioned one of the bruised that appeared on Sam's face or the time that he saw Sam with his shirt off and his back black and blue with a few bloody gashes; Sam had said it was from a hunt or a bully... And Dean never questioned when his Dad made Sam's even more diffucult than his own, and he never questioned him when he yelled at Sam for absolutely nothing. But, it seemed to all make sense now. It seemed to click in his head, the peices fitting together perfectly.

Dean had never questioned it because he never really noticed. Or he didn't want to. His father and hero had been abusing Sam, and not just mentally.

He looked over at Sam, his little brother who he had been nothing but nasty to lately, and felt more than one stab of guilt.

He twiddled his thumbs and then looked back over at Sam, licked his lips and righted his stance, and then cleared his throat and said, "S-Sammy, can you siddown for a second?"

Sam looked over at him, but then cautiously sat down on the edge of the motel bed, like he was worried Dean would lash out at him. Dean sighed and thought about how horrible he'd been acting to his brother and scrubbed a hand tiredly over his face.

He walked over to Sammy and sat down beside him and asked, lookin his brother in the eyes, "Sammy, did Dad really do those things?"

Sam instantly looked down at his lap and said, " 'Course not Dean, I was just sayin' that...that if I ever did what _Cas _did then he'd do that to me..."

Dean looked over to Cas, who shook his head, indicating that Sam was not telling the truth.

Dean put a hand on his brothers shoulder and said, "C'mon Sammy, you can tell me, I'm your big brother!"

Sam shrugged it off, but Dean put it back on. Sam sighed and then said, "Yeah, Dean, he did. But, whatever. It's over and done with."

Dean blanched. So it was true. Dean went to pull Sam in for a hug, but was stopped when Sam pushed him away. Sam stood up from the bed like a scared animal and bolted to the door. He swung it open and muttered a nervous, "N-no chick flick moments, Dean." before he left.

Dean turned to look at Cas, who's face was grim. "What's wrong Cas?"

"Dean, I don't believe that pyschical and mental are the only kinds of abuse that Sam has suffered at the hands of your father..."

It took Dean a moment to fully comprehend what Cas meant before he shoved him against the wall and held the trenchcoat between his fist, "You sick bastard! Our Dad would never do something like that, especially to Sammy!" _Especially without me knowing! _

Cas read between the lines, seeming to get the message Dean was trying to convey, and he calmly pushed him off and said, "Angels can tell when there are lies and when the truth is being withheld. Sam has not spoken all of the truth and there is nothing else it could possibly be. I am sorry Dean, but the reality of the situation is that Sam has been abused by your father in any way possible. It's almost certain that he was going to Hell even before he sold his soul for you."

Dean stared at Cas blankly before sitting down on the floor, fearing his knees would give out if he stood much longer. He brought his knees up to his chest and mumbled something sounding like, "Why didn't he tell me Cas? Why didn't I know? Why didn't I help!"

The angel knelt beside him and said, "Dean, your Dad must have threatened Sam with something, most likely you. If you'd like, I could go into Sam's memories and try and see what really happened to him."

Dean was now shaking and looked up to Cas with pleading eyes and said, "Thank Cas."

That's all it took and Cas was in Sam's mind, a dark corner of it he kept hidden. As Cas sifted through the memories, he found a particullarly bad one, and jumped into it...

_Flashback:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_

_There was a young scrawny boy sobbing and curled in on himself in the corner, Cas recognized him as Sam. He seemed young, perhaps 6 years old, and terrified. The worst part of this abuse, the sexual part, seemed to be over and Cas watched as a shaky little boy pulled on his boxers. His body was entirely covered in black and blue, well all the parts that would be covered by clothing anyway._

_Sam crawled back to the corner and cowered as his father, John, walked in. Cas felt the urge to smite him as he saw the smirk on his face. But this was a memory that there was no way of erasing. _

_So he watched instead. He watched as John's fist connected with Sam's already abused body over and over. And he listened as John told Sam he was a monster and that it was his fault that thier lives weren't normal; they had no mother/wife, or constant home or school. He listened as John told him, "You ever tell anyone about this boy, and I'll make sure you're brother gets a double dose of it __**twice**__ a day, 'stead of just once like you. Now go get yourself cleaned up and make sure that you don't spill any milk __**ever **__again. People gotta work hard for that you know!"_

_And finally, when Castiel thought he could take no more, John finally left the room. He watched as the little 6 year old Sam Winchester walked to the bathroom calmly, and bandaged his wounds. He watched as he made himself something to eat and he watched as he waited up for Dean to return from a friend's house. _

_Castiel felt his heart surge with pride as he reflected that he could call this person his friend. Sam Winchester is stronger than anyone ever imagined. But, it wasn't without the constant help of Dean, he was really the only person that kept Sam alive._

_Sam suffered through the abuse until he left for college, and when he had finally found his Dad, John gave him a reminder why leaving him was bad. And then, in the hospital before John died, can you guess what he did? Gave Sam something to remember him by, a long scar across his hipbone from a nearby scalpel after he "finished" with Sam._

_Castiel felt the memory end and felt himself return back to the motel room to an anxious Dean._

_Flashback Over::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_

Castiel sat Dean down on the bed and patiently explained everything he saw in great detail. Dean was horrified. Horrified that the assumption was true and he couldn't do anything about it.

But now, he had to find Sam.

Sam was sitting in a local park, in the shade of an old and very large oak tree. It was night fall and the moon shone brightly overhead, illuminating the grass dully. Sam watched it with fevered interest and picked a few blades before throwing them right back down.

Castiel and Dean approached cautiously, almost afraid he was going to run from them again. They had spent all day searching for him in bars of some sort or on a curb, a gutter, an alley. But no, he was in the last place they had suspected, a park.

Sam had spent the entire day there, no children had been out because there was a chill in the air and thier parents probably didn't want them sick. His Dad had never cared about that... But Sam was focusing on something, anything, else right then. Because he needed to escape. Sam had spent his whole life covering up for his Dad and making certain Dean knew nothing about the abuse. So now that Dean knew, it was too much to bear.

So Sam sat there, contemplating how much thier relationship had changed recently. They had gone from closer than two intertwined fingers to having no contact at all when Sam was at Stanford, then they had become nearly as close as they were before. At least, for a short while. But then, Sam's stupid "destiny" had made things complicated, like the Demon Blood and the Demon Whore that Sam had kept secret. Or the training of the Jedi Mind Powers.

Sure, Sam wanted Dean to know about that too, but he couldn't tell him. He didn't want Dean to be dissappointed in him. He knew Dean was about a step away from kicking him out. And those recent dreams, the ones with Lucifer telling him he was the True Vessel, they wouldn't help at all..

Especially now that Cas knew. Cas had seen all his memories, after all. He had seen what few happy moments there had been, with Dean, with Jess, and, God help him, with Ruby.

Sam was sure that the new information he had told Dean must have made him furious. I mean, Sam just destroyed his hero with a few simple words. How would he feel if someone shattered his hero worship of Dean just like that?

Sam would _murder _them. But, that's just him. He was sure Dean would do something better, smarter, more controlled. Because, God Damnit, he was Dean! So he knew that Dean would need to get a few punches in, maybe a good kick to the gut too. But if that meant that Dean would still let Sam be around him, he wouldn't give it a second thought.

What he wasn't expecting was when Dean enveloped him in a bone-crushing hug, reminding him of when he had just came back from the dead after Azazel's games. Or when Dean had gotten back from Hell. He wasn't expecting Dean to not let go when Sam shoved against him. Or when Sam yelled at him, to let him go, let him run. But Dean wouldn't let go and he wouldn't hit him and he wouldn't get mad.

So that was the last straw for Sam. He felt his mind kinda slump, like his body. He let himself fall against the tree, but he wouldn't, he _would not_, let himself cry in front of Dean. He had done it too much when he was younger. But now, now Sam was old and he could take care of himself. He could manage on his own. He didn't need Dean.

God, that sounded pathetic, even to himself. Especially when he told that to Dean. Because Dean just hugged him tighter, as if that were possible. Sam was pretty sure he was losing oxygen. He looked over at the angel watching the embrace and silently begged him to get Dean to stop, to help him get away. He knew if anyone could understand, it was Cas. After all, he saw what Sam's mind was like, his memories and beliefs. So Sam silently implored him to make Dean understand.

The angel seemed to get the picture and he called out, "Dean? You're approach to your brother is not helpful..."

Dean looked up at him, bleary eyed and confused, "What're you talkin' about Cas? I'm tryin' to give my brother a hug here!"

Both brothers cringed at the word hug. But, never the less, Dean didn't relinquish his hold on Sam's torso. Cas sighed and said, "Dean, I believe it would be beneficial for you to take a look inside Sam's memories. Perhaps see his train of thought and reactions?"

The first thought that came to Sam's mind was, "NOOOO!" And so he voiced it and struggled and thrashed as hard as he could against Dean's hold. Sam was begging Cas the entire time, "Please don't Cas! Don't show 'im! He can't see! Please, don't! I'll do anything!"

Cas looked at him as sadly as he could and then said softly, "Dean needs to see what has happened to you. If he doesn't, you two can never truly be brothers with the sort of connection you carried before."

Upon hearing those words, Sam slumped back in defeat. He had to let Castiel show Dean his memories now, or else he could never have what he wanted most. So he allowed for them to be beamed into his mind. For all his memories to be unearthed and watched, even with his own eyes. He felt himself go through the torment all over again, but he also got to experience all his greatest moments.

He also felt the sting of Dean's harsh words that had been thrown at him in the past, the hurt. He felt his heart re-ripped out after Dean so harshly grieved the loss of thier father that he shut Sam out. Or the complete and utter misery, the will of self-preservation gone when Dean was in Hell. When Sam was reckless and desperate, begging every CrossRoad Demon for his brother back.

But when he recieved no answer from them, he resorted to violence. Dean watched his little brother fall apart, all up until that very moment. He felt how much his one hug had wounded Sam, and how he expected to be hit.

Dean felt all of this misery pile onto him AND there was the added bonus of Luci being thrown into the mix. So Sam had been suffering in silence. And Dean hadn't known. What the Hell! He would've known in two seconds what was wrong with Sam in the past or IF there had even been something wrong! But now, had they really drifted so far apart that Dean couldn't even tell? Especially when Sam still seemed to read him so easily? Had he really let his list of prioreties slip so much that Sam wasn't even on them anymore?

He replayed thos questions in his mind as he popped out of Sam's and onto the grass. This time, Sam really did bolt like a scared animal. But Dean felt content in that area, knowing he would head back to the motel. At least he still knew Sam that much...

But he had a lot of making up to do. And that was starting first thing in the morning, Dean was beat. He turned to say 'Goodbye,' or 'Goodnight' or even 'Thank You.' to Castiel, but he was already gone. Dean heard and saw nothing except the sound of wings and a feather, floating in the air gracefully.

Dean smiled and walked back to the motel at a leisurely pace. He could risk it, being there much after Sam, because he knew Sam wanted, _needed_, time alone. Time to think with that enormous skull of his. Dean smiled at the thought. And he began to think, 'What to do tomorow to make it all a little easier for Sammy?' As he thought this, he fingered the necklace that had laid around his neck since that Christmas all those years ago...

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I want you to tell me if I should make it just this one-shot or add another chapter? Or... perhaps... a sequal set in currenter times, yea yea? So, you tell me inna PM or a Review, and I will do it! Luvvies, if you wish to be a minion of mine, you must go to a store... Buy a jumbo pack of Skittles... walk up to a stranger, or your mom, either is fine... and throw those Skittles in thier face! All the while, you must yell, 'Taste the EFFING rainbow, biiiitch!' and then book it before you get the cops called/beaten/disowned. Mwah, Mwah, kiss, kiss, bu-biy!

EGO mos vereor haud malum. EGO mos non inflecto. Nex does non vix mihi , neque nec operor vos. I will fear no evil. I will not bow. Death does not scare me, nor do you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, before we get started, I really wanna thank the ONLY person who reviewed the first chappie, supernaturalrenegade. ^.^, Hearing that you've now read two of my stories, and liked them, made my day... erm, night.**

**Just to let you know, I made this while listening to Ignorance by Paramore... I always connect that song to Supernatural... Sam more specifically. How Sam pretty muvh feels about Dean and maybe some Cas in there... I mean, it says Rapture! The name of the epi when Cas wasn't in Jimmy Novak! I mean, come on! I think it's on purpose :D **

**AAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAA**

**AAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAA**

**Un-Beta-Ed**

**Warnings: Same as last chapter, but here they are again... **

**Might be some more flashbacks of abuse, not sure... Drunkenness in the future, and swears of course!**

**Disclaimer: Norwhale, Mr. Eric, Chuck/God, The Krip Keeper XD, whatever you call him... He owns this, not me. I'm not making money, and this never happened 'cept in my dreams *pout*.**

**AAAAAaaaaaaAAAA**

**AAAAAaaaaaaAAAA**

Dean had gotten to the motel maybe 20 minutes later and Sam, much to his current relief, was there and very much asleep. Dean smiled, seeing how peaceful his brother looked, until he was at the edge of the bed. Sam's face was hidden behind his arm before and Dean couldn't see it until he was _right_ there. When Dean saw it, he relized that Sam's sleep wasn't as peaceful as he had thought, his little brother's face contorted into misery.

Dean had the urge to wake him up, make it better, but he knew that Sam needed his sleep. Especially with how tired he's been lately, Dean didn't know how he'd been missing it. 'I suppose I wouldn't be a sound sleeper with the Devil in my dreams, either.' Dean thought, sitting down on th bed across from Sam's, watching him sleep. Dean wanted to make sure the nightmare didn't get too out of control, like the old ones with Jess. Dean was sure he was still having those from time to time, but he didn't mention it. Much like the subject of Dean's Hell dreams had been dropped.

Watching Sam fidget and wriggle around in his sleep, making pitiful noises, proved too much for Dean after about 45 minutes, and he went outside to get some air. He sat on the cement outside the motel door and took in a big breath of the cool air. The moon shone brightly and the stars glittered about. He swept a hand over his face and made a groaning noise. Dean was tired. Not just tired, but weary. He knew that this needed to end sooner, rather then later.

As Dean sat there contemplating how to move forward with the current case, Cas appeared beside him. "Jesus, Cas!", Dean cried, surprised yet again by the angel's sudden appearence. "My apolgies Dean, but I have news regarding the case."

Dean stood up from the ground, not really wanting to be looking up at the angel, and asked, "You find out what it is yet Cas?"

"Yes, Dean. It has already been taken care of, you need not concern yourself with it now." Cas said, and with a nod, he was gone. "Okay, then..." Dean grumbled, walking back into the motel room. He glanced toward the bathroom when he heard running water. Sam walked out moments later with a wet face. Dean guessed he splashed some water on it to wae up a bit.

Dean walked by him and gave him a pat on the back, "Hey Sleeping Beauty, how was your nap?"

Sam frowned and gave a little, "Fine." and walked over to the motel room's table where his laptop was. He sat and pulled it onto his lap, pulling the top up and pushing the ON button.

Dean watched suspiciously, he knew for a fact Sam's sleep wasn't 'fine' and he wasn't about to let it slip, "Was it about... y'know who?"

Sam looked up with color-wrecked eyes and said, "Who, Lucifer? Yeah, Dean. It was. And no, I haven't said the 'Y' word to him. I never will."

Sam looked back down at his computer, researching something else to put in that ginormous head of his, Dean mused. "You don't have to look up anything for this case, Cas said it's taken care of."

Sam nodded, not looking up at him. He continued to research, typing harder than neccisary. Dean sighed, knowing that it meant Sam was keeping something inside his head that was aggravating him. "Sam, just tell me what your thinking and stop making the poor computer suffer."

Sam looked up, sighed, and put the laptop on the table. He stood up, cracked his back, and then looked at Dean with eyes seemingly more tired than his own. And Dean had been to Hell.

Sam shuffled his feet a bit before looking up at Dean from beneath his bangs. Dean knew that look. It meant Sam didn't know how to put what he was trying to say, into words.

Dean tryed to give him a helpful look, but he was positive it looked like a strangled cat.

"Dean, I've died, I've seen you torn to shreds by Hell Hounds, I've seen you die hundreds of times in ways you couldn't imagine and then I hunted an Archangel-Gone-Trickster for 3 months and thought about nothing else, I've had broken bones, stitches, I've been shot, and God knows what else. But these dreams, everytime I close my eyes, they're worse than all of it. I would gladly take all of those at once if it meant I wouldn't have to sleep again." Sam's face was set in agony and Dean would do anything to help if he could, but he didn't _know_ if he _could_ this time.

Dean rubbed his arms at his side before looking up from the ground to see Sam's face. It was now depressed, given in, like he didn't know what to do anymore or if he _could_ do anything more.

Dean was about to say something, anything, but then Sam spoke again, "Dean, he makes me go to Hell in my dreams. He makes me relive everything Dad-" Dean growled, he _did not_ want Sam calling that man thier father, "-did. Makes me see you die over and over and not be able to do anything about it. He makes me see Mom die, and Cas, and everyone I ever even liked... Jess, Madison, Sarah. They all die. Jo, Ellen, Ash, Bobby. All of 'em. And then, he tortures me, but I don't die." Sam's eyes were just about to overflow now, "He said he'll never let me die, and if I do, he'd just keep bringing me back if I _did_ find a way..."

Dean's heart felt like a stake had been driven through it, then twisted, pulled out, and replaced by a knife. I mean, Dean knew _his_ time in Hell had been unbearable, but he'd only felt the pain himself. He had never seen anyone else put through it, and just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, Sam continued on,

"The worst part, the very worst, it when he _isn't_ torturing me. Or, at least, that's what he thinks. Sometimes he appears as Jess, just to turn back into himself and he says I can have her back. Sometimes he does it as Mom. It changes. He tells me I can have everything I ever wanted, a big happy family with Mom and you and Dad. He said he can change it and make it better. Make sure Jess never died or that I never got Demon Blood in me. He says he'd never lie to me, he'd always be honest and that I should have the courtesy to do the same. And God, Dean-" Sam looks up at him, the tears freely flowing down his face, "-most of the time, I just wanna be selfish and say 'Yes'. Let the world end and let everyone who deserves to burn, burn. But then, I think about you and everyone who would hate me if I did that. Mom, Madison, Jess, you, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Pastor Jim, everyone. And so I don't. And every night, when he offers me the same deal of saying 'Yes', having the perfect life and the torture stopping, I say 'No'. Every single time."

Dean couldn't say anything comforting to his little brother, he knew nothing could make this better, but he did have one little question at the back of his mind that he accidentaly choked out in a grief filled voice, "How long? Every night, how long is it?"

"Forever. That's what it feels like. But once, he told me, said it's only about 10 years or so a night." Sam whiped his face on his favorite jacket's sleeve. Dean gulped, a big lump was in his throat and it was proving hard to swallow around, "H-H... W-When did the dreams start Sammy?"

Sam blinked, trying to stop the stream of tears coming like a waterfal from his eyes, but he couldn't seem to, so instead, he cleared his voice, "Ummm... I think about a month or so. Might be a little more... I've only been sleeping like 4 times a week lately."

Dean stopped to run his hands over his head, pulling on the short strands of hair, doing the math of it in his head. If Sam had only slept 4 times a week for 4 weeks and every time he slept was 10 years that's... 160 years in Hell. Maybe more. "Jesus Sammy!" Dean cried, engulfing his brother in a hug.

Sam stood still, like he was in shock, but slowly, he put his arms around Dean. He pulled his brother close and gave him a bone-crushing hig in return.

They both knew it was far from alright, farther than it had ever been, but it was worth it if they still had each other. Because they went to whatever lenghts for the other, and they knew it. Hell, everyone knew it. Apparently, even the Devil. But that didn't matter, because both brothers were still here, more or less.

For now, that was all they could ask for.

But, apparently, not everyone had that in thier mind.

**AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA**

**AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA**

**Yes, yes. I believe there will be more. Near, maybe half-way through this short little thing, I was listening to The Ballad Of Mona Lisa By Panic!AtTheDisco. I love them soooo much. Like, really. And whoever hasn't seen the video or heard the song, do it now. I thought I wouldn't like it, but it's FUCKING AMAZING! I mean, there's freakin' Steampunk in the video and it's too awesome for words... Totally unexpected. You NEEED to watch it. Now.**

**Okay, sorry for that ramble. But yea, there will be more of this. I dunno how much more, but more. Hopefully, more people will read it and hopefully.. they'll even like it XD.**

**And if you wanna know why I always call Eric Kripke a norwhale, look up Supernatural Chalie The Unicorn 3. Funniest video you will EVER see. Watch ALL of the videos that person has made, please. It's not me, I just really love those videos. I crack up every one. The only ones you don't need to watch are the ones about Mark Pelligrino and the In Memorium one. 'K?**

**I promise, if you watch those, I will write whatever you want! Promise! Anything! I'll even try my hand at some smutt :P, yeah I know it's not spelled like that, but I think 2 T's make it kinky. Don't look at the screen like that, you know I'm right.**

**Sorry again for the shortness of this, AND sloppiness, I wanted it done ASAP.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay, before we get started, I really wanna thank the ONLY person who reviewed the first chappie, supernaturalrenegade. ^.^, Hearing that you've now read two of my stories, and liked them, made my day... erm, night.**

**Just to let you know, I made this while listening to Ignorance by Paramore... I always connect that song to Supernatural... Sam more specifically. How Sam pretty muvh feels about Dean and maybe some Cas in there... I mean, it says Rapture! The name of the epi when Cas wasn't in Jimmy Novak! I mean, come on! I think it's on purpose :D **

**AAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAA**

**AAAAAAaaaaaaAAAAA**

**Un-Beta-Ed**

**Warnings: Same as last chapter, but here they are again... **

**Might be some more flashbacks of abuse, not sure... Drunkenness in the future, and swears of course!**

**Disclaimer: Norwhale, Mr. Eric, Chuck/God, The Krip Keeper XD, whatever you call him... He owns this, not me. I'm not making money, and this never happened 'cept in my dreams *pout*.**

**AAAAAaaaaaaAAAA**

**AAAAAaaaaaaAAAA**

Dean had gotten to the motel maybe 20 minutes later and Sam, much to his current relief, was there and very much asleep. Dean smiled, seeing how peaceful his brother looked, until he was at the edge of the bed. Sam's face was hidden behind his arm before and Dean couldn't see it until he was _right_ there. When Dean saw it, he relized that Sam's sleep wasn't as peaceful as he had thought, his little brother's face contorted into misery.

Dean had the urge to wake him up, make it better, but he knew that Sam needed his sleep. Especially with how tired he's been lately, Dean didn't know how he'd been missing it. 'I suppose I wouldn't be a sound sleeper with the Devil in my dreams, either.' Dean thought, sitting down on th bed across from Sam's, watching him sleep. Dean wanted to make sure the nightmare didn't get too out of control, like the old ones with Jess. Dean was sure he was still having those from time to time, but he didn't mention it. Much like the subject of Dean's Hell dreams had been dropped.

Watching Sam fidget and wriggle around in his sleep, making pitiful noises, proved too much for Dean after about 45 minutes, and he went outside to get some air. He sat on the cement outside the motel door and took in a big breath of the cool air. The moon shone brightly and the stars glittered about. He swept a hand over his face and made a groaning noise. Dean was tired. Not just tired, but weary. He knew that this needed to end sooner, rather then later.

As Dean sat there contemplating how to move forward with the current case, Cas appeared beside him. "Jesus, Cas!", Dean cried, surprised yet again by the angel's sudden appearence. "My apolgies Dean, but I have news regarding the case."

Dean stood up from the ground, not really wanting to be looking up at the angel, and asked, "You find out what it is yet Cas?"

"Yes, Dean. It has already been taken care of, you need not concern yourself with it now." Cas said, and with a nod, he was gone. "Okay, then..." Dean grumbled, walking back into the motel room. He glanced toward the bathroom when he heard running water. Sam walked out moments later with a wet face. Dean guessed he splashed some water on it to wae up a bit.

Dean walked by him and gave him a pat on the back, "Hey Sleeping Beauty, how was your nap?"

Sam frowned and gave a little, "Fine." and walked over to the motel room's table where his laptop was. He sat and pulled it onto his lap, pulling the top up and pushing the ON button.

Dean watched suspiciously, he knew for a fact Sam's sleep wasn't 'fine' and he wasn't about to let it slip, "Was it about... y'know who?"

Sam looked up with color-wrecked eyes and said, "Who, Lucifer? Yeah, Dean. It was. And no, I haven't said the 'Y' word to him. I never will."

Sam looked back down at his computer, researching something else to put in that ginormous head of his, Dean mused. "You don't have to look up anything for this case, Cas said it's taken care of."

Sam nodded, not looking up at him. He continued to research, typing harder than neccisary. Dean sighed, knowing that it meant Sam was keeping something inside his head that was aggravating him. "Sam, just tell me what your thinking and stop making the poor computer suffer."

Sam looked up, sighed, and put the laptop on the table. He stood up, cracked his back, and then looked at Dean with eyes seemingly more tired than his own. And Dean had been to Hell.

Sam shuffled his feet a bit before looking up at Dean from beneath his bangs. Dean knew that look. It meant Sam didn't know how to put what he was trying to say, into words.

Dean tryed to give him a helpful look, but he was positive it looked like a strangled cat.

"Dean, I've died, I've seen you torn to shreds by Hell Hounds, I've seen you die hundreds of times in ways you couldn't imagine and then I hunted an Archangel-Gone-Trickster for 3 months and thought about nothing else, I've had broken bones, stitches, I've been shot, and God knows what else. But these dreams, everytime I close my eyes, they're worse than all of it. I would gladly take all of those at once if it meant I wouldn't have to sleep again." Sam's face was set in agony and Dean would do anything to help if he could, but he didn't _know_ if he _could_ this time.

Dean rubbed his arms at his side before looking up from the ground to see Sam's face. It was now depressed, given in, like he didn't know what to do anymore or if he _could_ do anything more.

Dean was about to say something, anything, but then Sam spoke again, "Dean, he makes me go to Hell in my dreams. He makes me relive everything Dad-" Dean growled, he _did not_ want Sam calling that man thier father, "-did. Makes me see you die over and over and not be able to do anything about it. He makes me see Mom die, and Cas, and everyone I ever even liked... Jess, Madison, Sarah. They all die. Jo, Ellen, Ash, Bobby. All of 'em. And then, he tortures me, but I don't die." Sam's eyes were just about to overflow now, "He said he'll never let me die, and if I do, he'd just keep bringing me back if I _did_ find a way..."

Dean's heart felt like a stake had been driven through it, then twisted, pulled out, and replaced by a knife. I mean, Dean knew _his_ time in Hell had been unbearable, but he'd only felt the pain himself. He had never seen anyone else put through it, and just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, Sam continued on,

"The worst part, the very worst, it when he _isn't_ torturing me. Or, at least, that's what he thinks. Sometimes he appears as Jess, just to turn back into himself and he says I can have her back. Sometimes he does it as Mom. It changes. He tells me I can have everything I ever wanted, a big happy family with Mom and you and Dad. He said he can change it and make it better. Make sure Jess never died or that I never got Demon Blood in me. He says he'd never lie to me, he'd always be honest and that I should have the courtesy to do the same. And God, Dean-" Sam looks up at him, the tears freely flowing down his face, "-most of the time, I just wanna be selfish and say 'Yes'. Let the world end and let everyone who deserves to burn, burn. But then, I think about you and everyone who would hate me if I did that. Mom, Madison, Jess, you, Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Ash, Pastor Jim, everyone. And so I don't. And every night, when he offers me the same deal of saying 'Yes', having the perfect life and the torture stopping, I say 'No'. Every single time."

Dean couldn't say anything comforting to his little brother, he knew nothing could make this better, but he did have one little question at the back of his mind that he accidentaly choked out in a grief filled voice, "How long? Every night, how long is it?"

"Forever. That's what it feels like. But once, he told me, said it's only about 10 years or so a night." Sam whiped his face on his favorite jacket's sleeve. Dean gulped, a big lump was in his throat and it was proving hard to swallow around, "H-H... W-When did the dreams start Sammy?"

Sam blinked, trying to stop the stream of tears coming like a waterfal from his eyes, but he couldn't seem to, so instead, he cleared his voice, "Ummm... I think about a month or so. Might be a little more... I've only been sleeping like 4 times a week lately."

Dean stopped to run his hands over his head, pulling on the short strands of hair, doing the math of it in his head. If Sam had only slept 4 times a week for 4 weeks and every time he slept was 10 years that's... 160 years in Hell. Maybe more. "Jesus Sammy!" Dean cried, engulfing his brother in a hug.

Sam stood still, like he was in shock, but slowly, he put his arms around Dean. He pulled his brother close and gave him a bone-crushing hig in return.

They both knew it was far from alright, farther than it had ever been, but it was worth it if they still had each other. Because they went to whatever lenghts for the other, and they knew it. Hell, everyone knew it. Apparently, even the Devil. But that didn't matter, because both brothers were still here, more or less.

For now, that was all they could ask for.

But, apparently, not everyone had that in thier mind.

**AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA**

**AAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAA**

**Yes, yes. I believe there will be more. Near, maybe half-way through this short little thing, I was listening to The Ballad Of Mona Lisa By Panic!AtTheDisco. I love them soooo much. Like, really. And whoever hasn't seen the video or heard the song, do it now. I thought I wouldn't like it, but it's FUCKING AMAZING! I mean, there's freakin' Steampunk in the video and it's too awesome for words... Totally unexpected. You NEEED to watch it. Now.**

**Okay, sorry for that ramble. But yea, there will be more of this. I dunno how much more, but more. Hopefully, more people will read it and hopefully.. they'll even like it XD.**

**And if you wanna know why I always call Eric Kripke a norwhale, look up Supernatural Chalie The Unicorn 3. Funniest video you will EVER see. Watch ALL of the videos that person has made, please. It's not me, I just really love those videos. I crack up every one. The only ones you don't need to watch are the ones about Mark Pelligrino and the In Memorium one. 'K?**

**I promise, if you watch those, I will write whatever you want! Promise! Anything! I'll even try my hand at some smutt :P, yeah I know it's not spelled like that, but I think 2 T's make it kinky. Don't look at the screen like that, you know I'm right.**

**Sorry again for the shortness of this, AND sloppiness, I wanted it done ASAP.**


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